date:
Monday, July 31, 2006
another day has passed.
guess i'm feeling slightly better.. still have the urge to
drink though....
oh yes thatnks zav=) haha he bought be a big big
BIG sunflower! and chocs=) and rain got me chips=)
sigh i still can't get used to the fact that things are different now... it's not that easy to let go...
i'm trying my best to forget, the good, the bad, the moments, the emotions...
i'm not missing you. no way.
kaela @
11:35:00 PM
date:
Sunday, July 30, 2006
I don't want to run away but I can't take it,
I don't understandIf I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I
crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does
your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
˜Cause
I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and
pray for the strength to stand today˜Cause
I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it,
I don't understandIf I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
kaela @
11:32:00 PM
date:
Everybody's got something they had to
leave behindOne regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's
no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)
How it could be now or neither been (or neither been)
All this I know but
still I can't find ways to let you go I never had a dream come true
Till that day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my babyI never found the words to say
You're the one I
think about each day
And I know no matter where love takes me to
A part of me will always be with youSomewhere in my memory
I lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
'Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or neither been (or neither been)
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go
I never had a dream come true
Till that day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where love takes me to
A part of me will always be with youYou'll always be the dream that fills my head
You'll always be the one I know (I'll never forget)There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just
can't say goodbyeNo no no no
I never had a dream come true
Till that day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be
my babyI never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where love takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
A part of me will always be with you...
kaela @
9:17:00 PM
date:
Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me
Everytime I try to fly,
I fall Without my wings,
I feel so
small I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face,
it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to
move on easyAnd everytime I try to fly,
I fall Without my wings,
I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's
my sorry
At night I
prayThat soon your face will
fade awayAnd everytime I try to fly,
I fall Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams I see your face,
you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
kaela @
9:09:00 PM
date:
i'm nursing a broken heart, i get to type all the lousy entries i want. so there.
kaela @
8:54:00 PM
date:
i need to go somewhere to just be alone for awhile... i can't cry at home, my dad knows sth's wrong. he took one look at my eyes and the beer and started asking me questions... somebody save me... please.. i'm hurting so much inside, i feel like hurting myself on the outside so i can't feel the pain on the inside...
kaela @
8:28:00 PM
date:
yes, it's been a beautiful week.. but all good things must come to an end i guess...
so after 5 months, it all ends here... on friday...
i dunno how to describe how i feel now... i just feel so mixed up, like someone dipped a huge spoon into my vessel of emotions and thoughts and gave it a major spin-around. =S
i've spent 2 nights crying my heart out, my eyes are swollen and red..
why?! this post will just be all messed up, cause there's so much to write, and i'm just typing whatever comes to my mind first...
i dunno how i can pull thru this... it's so sudden, i really didn't see it coming.... i'm so used to having you around, i feel like a huge chunk of me is being yanked out violently and cruelly from me.. i dunno whether we'll ever get back tgt again.. and if so, when? 5 months? 5 years? or probably never...
my heart just hurts so much, it feels like someone stabbed me in my heart and dragged the blade through me... when i feel that i have cried empty my tear tank, fresh tears fall again... no, looking up at the ceiling doesn't help, nothing keeps you off my mind! all of a sudden, i feel so alone. there's a gaping hole in me, an empty void where you once used to fill... it's too painful, you know, i'm not as strong as i think i am, i don't know how much longer i can bear the pain... it's tearing me up, and i don't know what to do...
i'm drinking beer, but the bitterness can't numb my thoughts... what am i supposed to do? what can i do ? what do you expect from me? my tears fall afresh, my face is so soaked from them, my skin is salty and rough to the touch...
tell me what do i do when it all falls apart? i think back on the past times, and i know there's a chance we may nvr see them again, nvr do all those things again, nvr share such moments anymore...
you came into my life when i felt most lonely and rejected, brought me back to my Father, helped me grow, supported and encouraged me. i know God is good, but why now? just when i thought things were finally finally finally looking up, He has to deliver me such a big blow, 16 days before my prelims.. God, just what do you expect from me?
since it's your will, so be it. but God, take this pain away, i can't deal with it, not now, definitely.. the only way i can stop crying is by forgetting, but i'm afraid of forgetting you, cause that would mean it's really over... tell me, what should i do when my life falls apart?
i can't stop my tears from falling, they're the only thing that define me now...
kaela @
7:47:00 PM
date:
Sunday, July 23, 2006
oh no idea why, but i'm feeling kinda moody and down tdy=S mayb cause it's cause of pple who arrange to meet with me and cancel at the last moment. i can count with more than a hand how many there are. and cause of the birthdaysssssssss this month! so many!! sigh. i'm so tired... i try to dothe best i can for everyone, but there are just too many, and i'm kinda tirred. plus i dunno if the recepient will be appreciative.. and prelims are drawing near, 24 more days=S sigh... somehow i feel like i can nvr be good enough... i'm tired of not being able to meet expectations, sick of being forgotten, and irritated by the slightest things.
oh and i realise songs from linkin' park actually reflect how i feel sometimes... :
Memories consume Like opening the wound I’m picking me apart again You all assume I’m safe here in my room (unless I try to start again) I don’t want to be the one The battles always choose ‘Cause inside I realize That
I’m the one confused I don’t know what’s worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don’t know why I instigate And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way I know it’s not alright So I’m Breaking the habit Tonight Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again I hurt much more Than anytime before I had no options left again I’ll paint it on the walls ‘Cause I’m the one at fault I’ll never fight again And this is how it ends
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for Or why I have to scream But now I have some clarity To show you what I mean I don’t know how I got this I’ll never be alright So I’m Breaking the habit Breaking the habit Tonight
It’s
easier to run Replacing this pain with something numb It’s so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone Something has been taken From deep inside of me A secret I’ve kept locked away No one can ever see Wounds so deep they never show They never go away Like moving pictures in my head For years and years they’ve played If I could change I would Take back the pain I would Retrace every wrong move that I made I would If I could take all the shame to the grave I would Sometimes I remember The darkness of my past Bringing back these memories I wish I didn’t have Sometimes I think of letting go And never looking back And never moving forward so There would never bee a past Just washing it aside All of the helplessness inside Pretending I don’t feel misplaced Is so much simpler than change It’s
easier to run replacing this pain with something numb It’s so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone
Crawling in my skin These wounds, they will not heal Fear is how I fall C
onfusing what is real There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface Consuming, confusing This lack of self control I fear is never ending Controlling I can't seem To find myself again My walls are closing in (Without a sense of confidence I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way before So insecure Chorus Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me Distracting, reacting Against my will I stand beside my own reflection It's haunting how I can't seem... To find myself again My walls are closing in (Without a sense of confidence I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way before So insecure Chorus (Repeat until end) There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface Consuming, confusing This lack of self control I fear is never ending Controlling (Whispered during chorus)
kaela @
12:33:00 AM
date:
Thursday, July 20, 2006
took this on the train =) adidas poster in the underground train station=)
haha KAKA!
yup it's 4 plus and i'm blogging=S haha slpet abt 11, woke at one.. been mugging ever since, with the occasional breaks like x-stitching foong's present, packing my bag, observing my terrapins, and yup, blogging! decided to blog frequently so i wn't have to go thru the agony of sepnding 3 hours blogging a long post that's not really detailed.
yup ytd kaka and i went to lido to catch potc=) had my long-missed potato salad (thank you kaka for finding it for me; i thought the stall closed down !) and shopped at borders. ate ljs at lido while watching trailers on the wide screen tv=) i think lady in the water will be satisfactory, might catch.
haha those who are catching potc, stay till te end of the credits. there's a short 5 seconds. and then you'll groan after watching it=) i won't say what, but it's damn lame=)
oh yup went to pasar malam again to get stickers for my classmates=) took orders earlier in the day=)
zzz chem test l8r... sigh... i don't even know whether i'm mugging the right topics=S oh and there's the mi paper for tuition which i havent touched either=S double sigh. free periods will be busy =S mugging for chem, doing econs essy, mi paper, x-stitching.
oh and i think i'm really growing fatter=S have to start working out. anyone want to gym with me? =) don't worry, i won't last long=S
haha kaka says i always have the
guai look=)
guai look again!
haha i don't know what i'm doing seriously. neither does he=S
his camera skills are bad!
okay so mine's not fantastic either
caught
tangled handed x-stiching on mrt=)
he
took advantage of me while i was busy stitching on the train=S
took so many close up shots=S urgh=S
kaela @
4:16:00 AM
date:
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
gave dumbo to chun tdy=) shot we took in class=)
oh ya had listening compre tdy... so tough! the ans were so close=S and the questions weren't really direct, like need to do inferencing and evaluating=S haha oh well.
after sch went to shop a lil at popular at je to buy presents=) bought a cross stitch cover card, pooh, which i'lll be sewing late into the nights for foong yin=)
after tuition went to pasar malam=) haha bought quite alot of things home=) as always=)
they slp really early! i took this at abt 9pm=S
a pic i forgot to post=) huimin's bday at fish and co, jp=)
kaela @
10:18:00 PM
date:
pic of the post!!
haha took neoprint with my dearies=)
random idea of taking our
legs=S
this is what we did in math lec
present for huimin! we did as a class in 2 mins flat!
all written up=)
haha really short day tdy.
we had our investiture 2006. beautifully beautiful.
i'll keel these memories forever.. the 30ths have handed the baton over to the 31sts. i hope they'll servy thecollege with the same passion, zeal, love and servant attitude as the 30ths. catch the fire, go inspire. now, many hearts, one spirit. go 31sts! make us proud!
leave a legacy befitting of our college.
after investiture, had recess where we did the puzzle, and double math lec where we vandalised sarah's paper=) and chem tut, and i was done for the day =)
after sch sarah phua chun and i wenton HOT DATE! haha ljs and jp=) slept on the journey home on 192 (i've taken it 3 times in the past 4 days=S) and picked up my study materials and went to kaka's place to pick up his apron. blur boy=)
so after that, finaaly settled to mug at beans. tried the new honeydew drink, not bad!! haha i have 3 names in beans - joyce, esther, and of course, shuhui=) lol=) yup kaka came after sch and we shopped around=)
bought a card for geraldine (i had no idea her bday is on the coming mon, i only found out later when i asked jeff!), and a dumbo for chun!! haha feeling random=)
oh kaka bought me chip and dale!! =)
dale & chip!
haha he looks like he belongs to the chipmunks family eh?
chipmunks + dumbo!
yup zav came to join me to mug after=) haha thanks zav!! he helped me stay sane while doing my sampling tut=)
neoprints i finally scanned :
robot earrings!
haha they love me! look at kaka's '?!' expression=)
kaela @
12:18:00 AM
date:
Sunday, July 16, 2006
oh yup, healing svc tdy with rev doc Che Ahn. simply ammazing... all the healing testimonies, of blind eyes receiving vision, deaf ears beginning to hear, knee injuries mended, broken legs restored, growths dissolving, legs growing out, shoulder aches and pain vanishing, totally WOW.
after svc, went to make new contacts, and went to buy 2 new terrapins!! =) they're called 'you' and 'me'. haha and the rock in the tank's called 'and'. =) not named by me! the females 2nd name is 'FIghter', cause she's always trying to claw her way around and out=) haha at first kaka was afraid to hold them, and when he got braver, he started bullying them!! =S
'You' after being tormented by kaka. refused to budge=S
just went to check on them, they're slping peacefully, with 'you' hugging 'me'. awwwwwwwwww=)
kaela @
10:00:00 PM
date:
Saturday, July 15, 2006
if you won't give my football back, i'm gna get my guys on you..!guy in yellow on right! that's how i first noticed
kaka=)
damn fit!
awww cute boyish face=)
a moment of passion and aggression
haha my fav football player!! super hot, super cute!! =) puts all other footaller in shame with his superb skills=) but sigh, brazil didn't win this yr=S
okay yup recap on first 3 weeks of school!
in the first week , was really really hectic... so so much work to do and the teachers kept stressing how we only have a few weeks till the prelims=S
oh on wed, 28 june, my mum choked on her dinner at some farewell dinner at her company... was rushed to hospital...docs did an xray on her but couldn't find anything, so they didn't know what to operate on or extract...so i spent the entire night panicking and crying... and praying alot.. thanks to kel for managing to calm me down... and yes!! God answered my prayers and brought my mum safely home to me=) and she recovered at a tremendous rate=)
on fri, Rainer's birthday!! went bowling with sher downstairs=) he's enlisted into army alr.. dinner, went out to celeb, ate at bali thai=) mmmm=) oishi!!
sat, candy returned for her first cgm, which also happened to fall on her birthday=) really missed candy!! =)
following monday was youth day, so yeap, no sch! went to town with foong yin , ate at wisma's ding tai feng=) i like the xiao long bao there! haha like shopping with foong!! we complement each other=)i like crispy fries she like soggy=) like kel! haha so no fighting over fries=) and we both love shopping for bags, accessories, and taking pics!! =) yays we should go out soon!!
me and foongs at dtf
after that abt 6, met up with my econs tuition darlings=) vivian and xinle!! haha kaka came to be extra=) haha to carry my bag=) grins=) yup we shopped and took neoprints=) and we went on the mini viking ship outside cine!! yes, 3 times!! with free m&ms=) haha and we bought identical robot earrings!! =) minus kaka=) yup ate at cafe cartel after... dunno abt you guys, but i personally think the food's terrible=S ahhh but we had lotsa fun, that' what counts=)
our robot earrings! viv's le's and mine!!
the mini viking=)
me and kaka on our 3rd viking ride=)
haha the next day when we went fot tuition, we had identical bruises at similar spots, cause the seats on the viking were quite crammed=S tuition was very much enjoyable with my 2 darlings=)
took pics at mrt station after tuition=) shu, le, viv
me and viv<3>
oh yes and qiu and i have decided to have a hot date every friday!! =) meaning we'll be gg to mug at eans every friday=) everyone else is most welcome to join us=) yup eehua came down=)
drew a birthday card for my 6 year old cousin=)
on sat, after cg, went to jp to meet my 4e1 girls - yawen, shao, minjun, suhui, eehua and qiu=) Te at kfc=) den shopped arouns, bought glow in the dark blue stars from toys'r us=)
fave pic=) qiu and i<3>
qiu, me, mj =)
me and mj!!
me and yawen!!
haha i look like i'm posing with some superstar=)
me, qiu, eee
girls united!
mon was wc finals~ italy won by the skin of their teeth. eee. i want brazil to win. kaka!! laughs~
oh yes and throughout the week i had been having some form of eye irritation. mon was quite bad in the morn, so i didn't go to sch.. went to beans to mug, and bought anitiseptic eye drops from guardian~
oh yup tues, dad's bday. my eye seemed better, so i went to sch.. but by 11 i was dying. took pink slip and went off..wanted to go polyclinic, but the queue would be damn long, so i decided against=S bad choice. so in the end i went to lot one to buy cake and present for my dad's celebration in the evening.. went to cards and such and got these ballons that said '=) BEST DAD!=)' SMILEYS INCLUSIVE! haha~ and bought him this name card holder which i customized, spelling '<3dad<3', inclusive=")" drawn=")">
so after tuition, we went to holland v nydc to eat baked pasta and pizza. and when we got home, surprise!!! =) haha dad loved it=) how could he not?! =)
the balloons!!
the cake~!! (layers of chocolate, cream, and wafer!)
mum and dad<3
dad cutting cake. check out his 6 packs! and he's 46! proud of my dad=)
wed, went to sch, after sch at home,. my eye hurt like crazy.. couldn't even open it. even closing it felt like somone was driving a spear into it=S kaka finally convinced me to see a doc, and he was like leading a blind girl to the clinic (S) . cause we went to keat hong mkt, and both clinics were CLOSED! omg. so we cabbed down to gombak. cab fare's damn ex now. from my place to gombak costs 6 bucks=S so anw, the doc was shocked when i told him it has been going on for a week or so=S he said i was lucky ididn't grow sth that would require me to cut my cornea=S 'squeamish* =S so yes, got mc for thurs, and i didn't go.
haha but i did go for photo taking at last period!! how could i miss that?! haha so went even my eyes were sore=S laughs. i look retarded in the pics anw=S love sb2=)
okay yay friday went to sch again. had chinese oral, which made me feel like i should have dropped chinese after all. i was like record holder for the shortest conversation! =S plusplus i was the first one after the chinese A pple!! =S madness=S
oh yup and chris made oreo cheesecake too for huimin's bday=) really yummy=) and the sillies made huimin do a treasure hunt for her present, with clues like 'armed vegetation' which referred to the plants on the security's table=S , and 'discover a momentof inner peace', which with much hints, she figured out it was the heaven and earth vending machine=S and guess where the final resting place of the gift was? in their shared locker=S laughs~ that's why they're called the sillies=)
and we had blood donation drive in sch too~ i can't donate NOT CAUSE I'M UNDERWEIGHT, as so many had been saying=S i'm just not heavy enough!! but chunping took an bright orange bandage with smiley faces on it for me=) and sarah gave me her 'stress-heart' =) love those girls=) haha oh and hongjie couldn't donate blood w/o consent form cause he's under 18, even though his birthday was on the next day=S lol. lotsa birthdays on july 15th!
oh yup after chinese oral, rushed home, cause we were celebrating yawen's bday at my place=) haha HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAWEN!! 18 alr~! =) yup we had to distract her so we could write the card=) and that's when we found out ah liy knows how to play da chang jin on piano!! lol~ yup so we presented her with the fairy wand and cake=) fairy wand, so she canmake wishes all the time=) and turn irritating people into frogs=) yup the chocolate cake was delicious. played zhong ji mi ma to finish the cake=) yes we finished the entire cake!! lol. and yup, we gave her the real present, a pair of shorts, and earrings=) and the pink and purple card! =)
aha cause ah shao had tuition at 6, we rished of to je... and shao say she can be late, so we went to take neoprints!! really funny, we had one random shot with just our legs=) grins~ after taking, it was 650=S shao was gg to be an hour late!! lol. we went to play arcade after=) the hit drums, basketball (which we were really lousy at even in pairs) and the drum!! =) haha funfun!! oh ya we saw this guy throw bb like mad=S hit 617 points=S scary. broke record by 200=S oh ya met yimin at arcade too=)
after the drums, kaka and i left first, cause we were rushing to eat at fish and co=) yup met huimin there too! they were celebrating huimin's bday=) huimin, chris, yiling, sarah phua, gen, shuang ai, sheeni, and yingling=) haha so fun=) okay kaka ate chips and fish (he's so stubborn he refuses to call it fish and chips=S ) and i had grilled dory in sambal sauce=) and we ordered grilled calamari too! mmm mmmm~ haha yup! 4 months have since passed=) oh ya i purposely said 'happy birthday' very loudly too when the waitor waked past=) was hoping to get birthday discounts or free cake but nooooo~ didn'twork out. =S oh well=)
so just wanted to say... thank you kaka for brightening up these months, for brining me smiles and comfort, for strengthening me in my walk with Christ, for always being there, for missing 3 consecutive tues classes to go out with me =S, and for your tolerance and care=) love you sunshine!! =) hope you like the 'elephant that makes pple laugh'. =)
okay confession time: i dozed of more than 3 times in chem tuition tdy=S. went with huimin (koh) and chunpin to jp to buyu present for huimin (chong), just in case, shan't elaborate on it yet=) haha ate at deli again finally=) yays=) boring day.
okays it's like midnight now, and my family's laughing at the black box=S i'm the only normal one hitting on a black board, looking at a lighted frame. =) grins~
okay looooooooooooong post i know=)
i want terrapins!
kaela @
10:33:00 PM
date:
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
pic of the post!
brother in mum's 3/4 s! laughs~
he looks damn retarded=)
gotta love him for that=)
okays, been a pretty long time since i've blogged! hols just passed by so quickly=S sigh=S okay i'm looking at my organiser at my past days, i'll do a quick summary=)
okays on wed the 14th, we had SJI which failed, so only 6 of us went to sentosa, chris, yiling, me, qing, chong peng and eugene.. haha pretty fun la, we played beach volleyball (quite badly), and football!! yups=) 3 NTU guys came along andd got us to play volleyball with them too! haha~ oh ya and we were making silly comments abt this group of jap guys who purposely cut thru our 'soccer field', and catwalked up and down near us=S hehs. yups and we played cards and ate at sakae!! =)
us at sakae!
on thurs, 16th, went for Muse!! acjc band concert=) was magnificent!! =) haha oh ya and i went shopping too!! =)
at muse=)
on fri, shopped some more=) ate at republic=)
18th june, father's day=) got my dad this super nice keychain, of a bear in a car, with car plates that read 'DADDY' =) dad loved it=) oh ya and this really cute mini elepant with polka dots and and star tail=) just to make my dad laugh=) and he did=) oh ya this was also the dayi discovered paya lebar's coffee bean is a great place to mug!! =)
on mon , 19th, had rehearsal in sch... was super boring, cause they didn't need us from 12 -430=S so we were just eft outside along=S yup watched silent hill after!! stupid kel, told me he bought cars, so i wasn't mentally prepared todeal with a horror show=S haha~
on tues, was supposed to return to sch for gp paper and rehearsal. but i was really giddy for the entire day! been having giddy spells recently=S met up with eehua in the evening though=)
on wed, was the HIGH LIFE AT ZOUK!!! yup finally our cip was launched!! =) we had many rehearsals right from 10 plus, with makeup and hair preparations etc... it wasa total success!! =) the crowd was huge, and although there was a serious lack of changers, just me, chun and grace, we made it!! =)
yup the remaning days i spent rushing work.. did 3 case studies on sat!! =S oh but i went to east coast beach on sunday evening, to sit in the breeze=) a great end to the hols=)
okays the new term shall be in another entry yup=) now for pics! =)
myBK chilli sauce painting=)
haha i did the make-up on him when he was slping!!
serves him right! say want to go for breakfast tgt, ended up slping=S
evil eye + innocent face 0=)
my white teeth and his cookes and cream 'white teeth'
kaela @
8:52:00 PM